Thursday, July 4, 2013
Movin' on up
If anyone is still reading this, I've moved Growing a Person over from Blogger to WordPress, so you can find it at http://growingaperson.com. I've actually been writing more too, now that I have a pretty place to do it. See you there!
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Mama Time
Time in general, but especially time when you are staying at home with small children, or Mama Time, is a tricky thing. It's both your best friend and your worst enemy, going simultaneously too fast and too slow.
The phrase "time flies" has crossed my lips so many times. One minute Carter is lying on the ottoman cooing at the ceiling fan, then I blink, and he's writing his alphabet and reading words that no three year old should be able to pronounce. One second Collin is sleeping on my chest in the Baby Bjorn, then I blink again and he is drinking from a cup and trying to put on his own shoes. Time is like those cartoon calendars that shed pages like confetti when they're trying to segue from one time to another. It's like in the movie Notting Hill (does anyone else love that one like I do?) when Hugh Grant is walking down the street and the season changes from autumn to winter to spring while he strolls. It's sprinting forward, full speed, toward an invisible finish line somewhere in the distant but increasingly closer future.
But that's only half of the story. There's also the day-to-day time. That time is like a slow turtle crossing the street and you just hope he makes it there without any blood or guts. Or like a sloth clinging to a tree branch moving...each...toe...one...at...a...time and inching forward at a glacial pace. In fact yes, it's like a glacier...moving, yes, but so slowly you want to poke your eyeballs out sometimes. It's that last hour before Dada gets home from work when you've done everything you can think of to keep the kiddos entertained and the whining is incessant and it's rainy outside. Those times when I stare at the clock and the hands almost move in reverse. The times when I repeat inside my head that it's such a blessing to be able to stay at home with my children, even if I really just want to hide in the closet with the door shut so they can't find me and eat cookies.
It's the brutal truth of Mama Time...clock time can't go fast enough but calendar time goes too fast. We spend half our lives willing time forward with all of our might and the other half pleading with it to please, pretty please, slow down and keep our babies small. Whenever I really stop and look at them, I see how long Carter's limbs have gotten, how steady Collin's steps have become. I see the way they play together now and don't need me to do every little thing for them anymore. Well those things make me oh-so proud of them and also make the tears pool in my eyes when I see their little lives moving in fast forward. I know it's going to be a few more blinks before they're graduating, leaving home and having beautiful, amazing lives of their own. (And yes, I'm crying now.)
So again, I will remind myself when it's 4:17pm, the whining is steady and I want nothing more than to see my husband walk in the door...it's a blessing, this Mama Time I have with them. Before school starts, before I'm uncool, before all of that big kid and big life stuff happens.
The phrase "time flies" has crossed my lips so many times. One minute Carter is lying on the ottoman cooing at the ceiling fan, then I blink, and he's writing his alphabet and reading words that no three year old should be able to pronounce. One second Collin is sleeping on my chest in the Baby Bjorn, then I blink again and he is drinking from a cup and trying to put on his own shoes. Time is like those cartoon calendars that shed pages like confetti when they're trying to segue from one time to another. It's like in the movie Notting Hill (does anyone else love that one like I do?) when Hugh Grant is walking down the street and the season changes from autumn to winter to spring while he strolls. It's sprinting forward, full speed, toward an invisible finish line somewhere in the distant but increasingly closer future.
But that's only half of the story. There's also the day-to-day time. That time is like a slow turtle crossing the street and you just hope he makes it there without any blood or guts. Or like a sloth clinging to a tree branch moving...each...toe...one...at...a...time and inching forward at a glacial pace. In fact yes, it's like a glacier...moving, yes, but so slowly you want to poke your eyeballs out sometimes. It's that last hour before Dada gets home from work when you've done everything you can think of to keep the kiddos entertained and the whining is incessant and it's rainy outside. Those times when I stare at the clock and the hands almost move in reverse. The times when I repeat inside my head that it's such a blessing to be able to stay at home with my children, even if I really just want to hide in the closet with the door shut so they can't find me and eat cookies.
It's the brutal truth of Mama Time...clock time can't go fast enough but calendar time goes too fast. We spend half our lives willing time forward with all of our might and the other half pleading with it to please, pretty please, slow down and keep our babies small. Whenever I really stop and look at them, I see how long Carter's limbs have gotten, how steady Collin's steps have become. I see the way they play together now and don't need me to do every little thing for them anymore. Well those things make me oh-so proud of them and also make the tears pool in my eyes when I see their little lives moving in fast forward. I know it's going to be a few more blinks before they're graduating, leaving home and having beautiful, amazing lives of their own. (And yes, I'm crying now.)
So again, I will remind myself when it's 4:17pm, the whining is steady and I want nothing more than to see my husband walk in the door...it's a blessing, this Mama Time I have with them. Before school starts, before I'm uncool, before all of that big kid and big life stuff happens.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Dear Collin at 18 Months
Dear Collin,
When I was pregnant with you, I couldn't imagine what it would be like having two children. Your Auntie Lauren told me that the moment I first saw you, my heart would double in size, and she was so right! I instantly fell in love with your squishy face, your dark hair (just like mine) and your sweet nature.
Having you, my second baby, was so different from when I first had your brother. I knew what I was doing this time around. I was calmer, which I think made me a better mother. Carter may have gotten more of my undivided attention as a baby, but you benefitted from my experience, your Dada's experience, and from having your brother around, too. (Though I do give YOU most of the credit for your easygoing nature.) Having you around as a newborn was never a struggle, and you were just so content as a baby. You loved tagging along with me in the Baby Bjorn as I chased Carter around the playground, and as long as you were close to me, you were as happy as could be. You fit easily into our family, the missing puzzle piece.
Now, at 18 months, you are still my sweet little guy. More often than not, you are happy, engaged and on the move. While Carter spent most of his younger days at home, you are always out and about with us, visiting friends, traversing the playground, experiencing the world first hand. Everyone is totally charmed by you, my sweet Collin, with your big green eyes and ready smile. You are always full of energy and adventure.
You love your favorite people: Mama, Dada, Carter, CeeCee and Grampy. Oh, how you love Grampy! As his namesake, too, you can't get enough of him, which he just adores! You also love our kitties: Bailey, Kenny, Zoey and Sophie, and while you don't have names for them yet, you will say Eee-Ow, Eee-Ow at them since that's what cats say. They are less scared of you than they were of Carter, probably because you are a bit quieter and gentler. You also love your friends! All of our little girl friends of course adore you because you are the "baby" and you love it when they love on you. Clare Bear and Alena are your favorites, and you have recently been seen with your fellow baby girlfriends Sophia and Alyssa, who you gave your first kiss to this past weekend.
You are such a comedian, and you love to make us laugh. And YOUR laugh is so contagious! It's a bit rusty and raspy, and just so delicious when we're tickling you. You also love to dance, and just wiggle around whenever you hear music. CeeCee and Carter just taught you Ring Around the Rosie, and you spin around in circles then fall on the floor, which is adorable!
And while you may not be talking very much, you certainly understand much more than you care to say. You quickly learned how to shake your head "no" then to nod "yes" so you are great at answering our questions without saying a word. You've recently started a little "mmm hmm!" sound when nodding yes, which is so adorable I just want to eat you up. You are great at following our directions, finding things in books, and pointing to various body parts. We know that you will talk more when you're ready, and also when your brother lets you get a word in edgewise!
You are sooooo physical! You crawled early, walked early, then quickly graduated to climbing on everything you could. Carter was a lot slower to hit all of these milestones, and he's never been a climber. But since you had him to look up to, you were off and chasing after him before we could say "toddler." You absolutely love the playground, and thankfully you're starting to learn some limits...like those big ladders for the big kids to climb up? You should NOT try to dive off of them from the top and take 10 years off of Mama's life like you did at Wall Springs Park as you dangled off the side and I grabbed your arm just as you were about to let go (my stomach still clenches when I think about this!). I can finally stay on the ground and follow you around there instead of hovering over your every move as I'd formerly been doing. You are starting to be able to do slides on your own, but you still make me nervous, and most days you'd rather go look at the slide then move on to another part of the playground without actually going down it. The other day you climbed all the way up the corkscrew ladder to the point that my arms were completely outstretched, my hands grabbing your ankles, and I didn't know how I was going to get you down! But I did. Even so, you are my monkey, 100 percent.
One of your favorite things to do is have bathy water time. If I even say those three words out loud, you're instantly off to the bathroom, trying to get in the bathtub or trying to get out of your clothes. You and Carter have bathy water time together, and the two of you just have a blast playing with squirt bottles, cups and toys. You aren't wild about having your hair washed, but getting you in the bathtub has never been a battle.
Speaking of Carter, watching the two of you together is one of the greatest joys possible. While you don't always get along—I know that will probably happen even more as you get older—you both adore each other... most of the time, at least. You love giving each other hugs and snuggling on the sofa in the mornings, and chasing each other around is one of your favorite activities, always with laughter trailing behind you like music. I often look at the two of you together and just can't believe that your Dada and I MADE you both from scratch. We are just so, so lucky to have you both.
You've always loved books, and you followed in your brother's footsteps by sitting in front of the bookcase and pulling all of the books down off the shelves into one slippery mass of literature that you would flip through, pointing excitedly at Mickey Mouse, kissing the black sheep (babababa) in Brown Bear, Brown Bear, or ripping the pages from Knuffle Bunny that we taped back together again just as we did when Carter ripped them (only this time, Carter excitedly ran to the junk drawer in the kitchen to fetch the tape for me). Recently you've started to focus a bit more on your reading material. You love the square, purple Potty book (tinkle, tinkle, TOOT!) and Time For Bed, and you love it when I read these over and over (and over) again at bedtime.
While I "babied" your brother for a lot longer when it comes to food, you have demanded that we let you have more control over the situation. You always want a spoon and fork when you're eating a meal, and you do a pretty good job of using them! You're not the world's most adventurous eater, but you're not awful either, so I let you be. You love most fruits; your favorites are watermelon, blueberries and grapes, and you recently starting loving broccoli and green peppers. You love green smoothies (yep, with spinach in them!) and love to help me put the fruits and spinach into the blender, even dragging the chair over to the counter yourself. You also love yogurt, and you fully inherited the family sweet tooth, loudly demanding dessert after lunch and dinner!
You aren't the most prolific talker yet (we refer to you as our "strong silent type"), but you're getting there. Your favorite word is Dada, and every time you hold a phone up, you say "dadadada" like you're talking to him, which is so cute! You will also frequently say Mama, and sometimes buh-buh for brother. And the B words are pretty easy for you, too. Your first non-family word was ba-ba-ba for sheep, and you've since gotten buh-buh for bubbles, bah for ball, booh for book. You are getting pretty good at your animal sounds, too: eee-ow-eee-ow for cat, ruh-ruh-ruh like a yappy dog, bababa for sheep, hahaha for monkey, mooo for cow, raaaaaah for lion, a trumpeting sound with both arms in the air for elephant, eee-aw-eee-aw for donkey; and you've got all kinds of motions, including waddling side to side for penguins and ducks, rocking back and forth for turtle, bouncing up and down for frog, inhaling and exhaling for bunny, sticking your tongue out for lizard, pursing your lips for fish, shaking your head like a whinnying horse, and probably a few more that I'm forgetting. You're not a fan of "performing" on command, but you're certainly cute when you are willing to share!
Which leads me to sleep. We fought with Carter to try and make him sleep in his crib, but still exhausted after that unsuccessful battle, we didn't even try it with you. Whatever you wanted, you got, which included sleeping swaddled for hours at a time in your bouncy seat or pack n' play, then sleeping snuggled on Mama's chest for the rest of the night when you were a newborn, then abandoning the pack n' play for a more permanent spot in our king sized bed, snuggled on my right side while Carter was on my left and Dada was way over on the other side. It's not the way I ever envisioned my family sleeping, but it generally works for us. I recently stopped nursing you at night, which you were not happy about, and you still wake me up at 5:30 or 6 for an early breakfast. Sometimes it can be annoying to have four people in one bed, but mostly your Dada and I love sleeping with you and Carter. We know that you are only little for the blink of an eye, and we love how much you both love us right now. We know that eventually you will both sleep in your big boy beds, and you will also sleep more in general!
I'm sure there's much more I could add here, but I will just finish by saying how much I adore being your Mama. You make me so happy every day, and I'm so lucky that you chose us to be your family.
Lots of love,
Mama
When I was pregnant with you, I couldn't imagine what it would be like having two children. Your Auntie Lauren told me that the moment I first saw you, my heart would double in size, and she was so right! I instantly fell in love with your squishy face, your dark hair (just like mine) and your sweet nature.
Having you, my second baby, was so different from when I first had your brother. I knew what I was doing this time around. I was calmer, which I think made me a better mother. Carter may have gotten more of my undivided attention as a baby, but you benefitted from my experience, your Dada's experience, and from having your brother around, too. (Though I do give YOU most of the credit for your easygoing nature.) Having you around as a newborn was never a struggle, and you were just so content as a baby. You loved tagging along with me in the Baby Bjorn as I chased Carter around the playground, and as long as you were close to me, you were as happy as could be. You fit easily into our family, the missing puzzle piece.
Now, at 18 months, you are still my sweet little guy. More often than not, you are happy, engaged and on the move. While Carter spent most of his younger days at home, you are always out and about with us, visiting friends, traversing the playground, experiencing the world first hand. Everyone is totally charmed by you, my sweet Collin, with your big green eyes and ready smile. You are always full of energy and adventure.
You love your favorite people: Mama, Dada, Carter, CeeCee and Grampy. Oh, how you love Grampy! As his namesake, too, you can't get enough of him, which he just adores! You also love our kitties: Bailey, Kenny, Zoey and Sophie, and while you don't have names for them yet, you will say Eee-Ow, Eee-Ow at them since that's what cats say. They are less scared of you than they were of Carter, probably because you are a bit quieter and gentler. You also love your friends! All of our little girl friends of course adore you because you are the "baby" and you love it when they love on you. Clare Bear and Alena are your favorites, and you have recently been seen with your fellow baby girlfriends Sophia and Alyssa, who you gave your first kiss to this past weekend.
You are such a comedian, and you love to make us laugh. And YOUR laugh is so contagious! It's a bit rusty and raspy, and just so delicious when we're tickling you. You also love to dance, and just wiggle around whenever you hear music. CeeCee and Carter just taught you Ring Around the Rosie, and you spin around in circles then fall on the floor, which is adorable!
And while you may not be talking very much, you certainly understand much more than you care to say. You quickly learned how to shake your head "no" then to nod "yes" so you are great at answering our questions without saying a word. You've recently started a little "mmm hmm!" sound when nodding yes, which is so adorable I just want to eat you up. You are great at following our directions, finding things in books, and pointing to various body parts. We know that you will talk more when you're ready, and also when your brother lets you get a word in edgewise!
You are sooooo physical! You crawled early, walked early, then quickly graduated to climbing on everything you could. Carter was a lot slower to hit all of these milestones, and he's never been a climber. But since you had him to look up to, you were off and chasing after him before we could say "toddler." You absolutely love the playground, and thankfully you're starting to learn some limits...like those big ladders for the big kids to climb up? You should NOT try to dive off of them from the top and take 10 years off of Mama's life like you did at Wall Springs Park as you dangled off the side and I grabbed your arm just as you were about to let go (my stomach still clenches when I think about this!). I can finally stay on the ground and follow you around there instead of hovering over your every move as I'd formerly been doing. You are starting to be able to do slides on your own, but you still make me nervous, and most days you'd rather go look at the slide then move on to another part of the playground without actually going down it. The other day you climbed all the way up the corkscrew ladder to the point that my arms were completely outstretched, my hands grabbing your ankles, and I didn't know how I was going to get you down! But I did. Even so, you are my monkey, 100 percent.
One of your favorite things to do is have bathy water time. If I even say those three words out loud, you're instantly off to the bathroom, trying to get in the bathtub or trying to get out of your clothes. You and Carter have bathy water time together, and the two of you just have a blast playing with squirt bottles, cups and toys. You aren't wild about having your hair washed, but getting you in the bathtub has never been a battle.
Speaking of Carter, watching the two of you together is one of the greatest joys possible. While you don't always get along—I know that will probably happen even more as you get older—you both adore each other... most of the time, at least. You love giving each other hugs and snuggling on the sofa in the mornings, and chasing each other around is one of your favorite activities, always with laughter trailing behind you like music. I often look at the two of you together and just can't believe that your Dada and I MADE you both from scratch. We are just so, so lucky to have you both.
You've always loved books, and you followed in your brother's footsteps by sitting in front of the bookcase and pulling all of the books down off the shelves into one slippery mass of literature that you would flip through, pointing excitedly at Mickey Mouse, kissing the black sheep (babababa) in Brown Bear, Brown Bear, or ripping the pages from Knuffle Bunny that we taped back together again just as we did when Carter ripped them (only this time, Carter excitedly ran to the junk drawer in the kitchen to fetch the tape for me). Recently you've started to focus a bit more on your reading material. You love the square, purple Potty book (tinkle, tinkle, TOOT!) and Time For Bed, and you love it when I read these over and over (and over) again at bedtime.
While I "babied" your brother for a lot longer when it comes to food, you have demanded that we let you have more control over the situation. You always want a spoon and fork when you're eating a meal, and you do a pretty good job of using them! You're not the world's most adventurous eater, but you're not awful either, so I let you be. You love most fruits; your favorites are watermelon, blueberries and grapes, and you recently starting loving broccoli and green peppers. You love green smoothies (yep, with spinach in them!) and love to help me put the fruits and spinach into the blender, even dragging the chair over to the counter yourself. You also love yogurt, and you fully inherited the family sweet tooth, loudly demanding dessert after lunch and dinner!
You aren't the most prolific talker yet (we refer to you as our "strong silent type"), but you're getting there. Your favorite word is Dada, and every time you hold a phone up, you say "dadadada" like you're talking to him, which is so cute! You will also frequently say Mama, and sometimes buh-buh for brother. And the B words are pretty easy for you, too. Your first non-family word was ba-ba-ba for sheep, and you've since gotten buh-buh for bubbles, bah for ball, booh for book. You are getting pretty good at your animal sounds, too: eee-ow-eee-ow for cat, ruh-ruh-ruh like a yappy dog, bababa for sheep, hahaha for monkey, mooo for cow, raaaaaah for lion, a trumpeting sound with both arms in the air for elephant, eee-aw-eee-aw for donkey; and you've got all kinds of motions, including waddling side to side for penguins and ducks, rocking back and forth for turtle, bouncing up and down for frog, inhaling and exhaling for bunny, sticking your tongue out for lizard, pursing your lips for fish, shaking your head like a whinnying horse, and probably a few more that I'm forgetting. You're not a fan of "performing" on command, but you're certainly cute when you are willing to share!
Which leads me to sleep. We fought with Carter to try and make him sleep in his crib, but still exhausted after that unsuccessful battle, we didn't even try it with you. Whatever you wanted, you got, which included sleeping swaddled for hours at a time in your bouncy seat or pack n' play, then sleeping snuggled on Mama's chest for the rest of the night when you were a newborn, then abandoning the pack n' play for a more permanent spot in our king sized bed, snuggled on my right side while Carter was on my left and Dada was way over on the other side. It's not the way I ever envisioned my family sleeping, but it generally works for us. I recently stopped nursing you at night, which you were not happy about, and you still wake me up at 5:30 or 6 for an early breakfast. Sometimes it can be annoying to have four people in one bed, but mostly your Dada and I love sleeping with you and Carter. We know that you are only little for the blink of an eye, and we love how much you both love us right now. We know that eventually you will both sleep in your big boy beds, and you will also sleep more in general!
I'm sure there's much more I could add here, but I will just finish by saying how much I adore being your Mama. You make me so happy every day, and I'm so lucky that you chose us to be your family.
Lots of love,
Mama
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
The Co-Sleeping Closet: Part 2
So where was I? Oh yes, co-sleeping with one child in the bed and the other in my belly, wondering how on earth we were going to make this work once he came out. We tried not to stress too much about it, because if Medium Boy had taught me one thing, it was that no matter how much I planned, he was really in control, not me. But I was definitely worried about how Medium Boy was going to deal with becoming a big brother and sharing his Mama, and how on earth we were going to apply our parenting philosophies to two small children simultaneously.
And sure enough, once Baby Boy came home from the hospital, our first few nights were full of tears, and not from Baby Boy. All Medium Boy wanted at bedtime was his Mamaaaaaaaaaa, and of course his Mama was tied up taking care of the newborn who usually wanted to nurse for hours on end in the evenings. So effectively, we hid. Baby Boy and I stayed downstairs, out of sight, while Dada and Medium Boy went upstairs to do bedtime. It took some adjusting, but after a few days it became the new routine. Once he finally fell asleep, Dada would send me an email from his smartphone (could we be anymore technologically savvy?) and let me know it was safe to come back upstairs, where Baby Boy would sleep for at least a few hours in his bouncy seat or pack and play next to our bed (way more than his big brother ever did). Then I would nurse him in bed, and usually spend at least a few hours in the wee hours of the morning with him sleeping on my chest, gassy as could be, while I whacked him on the back and willed him with ever fiber of my being to go back to sleep. Was it a perfect system? Absolutely not. But I slept a heck of a lot more during Baby Boy's newborn days than I ever did during Medium Boy's.
After a few months passed by, Medium Boy became more accustomed to sharing me with his brother, and soon we were able to integrate ourselves back into bedtime again. And as crazy as our new routine became, I will count these moments as some of my favorite memories. At bedtime, we would get jammies on, brush our teeth, then gather on our bed. I would wrap Baby Boy in one of his (fantastic!) Kiddopotamus SwaddleMe wraps as Medium Boy and I would sing, to the tune of the Raffi song Baby Beluga, a song I made up called Baby Burrito. Baby Boy would smile as his big brother and I sang to him, and my heart would melt a little bit more every night. Then we'd lie down in bed and I would nurse Baby Boy to sleep as Medium Boy and I read our three bedtime stories each night. Baby Boy would peacefully nod off, then I'd put my sweet, swaddled boy down in the pack and play where he would sleep for at least a few hours all on his own. It was magic. Once he was down, I could snuggle with Medium Boy until he fell asleep too. And then I would instantly pass out from exhaustion. :)
Looking back at all the time I spent fighting with Medium Boy, trying to get make him go to sleep and stay asleep in his crib by himself, it makes me wonder how different things would have been if I'd adopted the same approach with him. But hindsight is 20/20. Hopefully we've more than made up for our missteps by allowing him to continue sleeping snugly between us for so long.
Baby Boy would sleep peacefully for a few hours, then I would scoop him out of the pack and play, unswaddle him, nurse him and curl up with him to go back to sleep. Neither one of us fully woke up, so there was no battle to get him back to sleep again, and as long as I was close-by, he was as happy as could be. Let me pause to say that we've always followed safe co-sleeping practices...when Baby Boy was a little baby, I made sure to dress in warm jammies so I didn't need a blanket pulled up anywhere near where he was sleeping. I was never under the influence of anything, and I'm a really light sleeper, so the second he stirred or moved, I was able to respond. I also sleep like a rock, so I was never worried about rolling over on him or flailing around. And he stayed on the outside edge of our bed, away from my hubby and Medium Boy, with me in between for protection. Finally, our bed is not on a frame, so it's very close to the ground. Just thought I should probably throw that in so anyone reading this knows that I was very cautious. Co-sleeping has gotten a bad name lately, and if you're going to try it, you definitely need to do your research and find out how to do it properly. In my opinion, most people fall asleep with their babies at some point and it's better to do it intentionally and safely than accidentally and unsafely.
So now here we are. Medium Boy is 2 and 3/4 and Baby Boy just turned 10 months. We still follow mostly the same routine except Baby Boy has long since rejected his swaddle, and he probably spends a few more hours in our bed now than when he was little. He's also much more aware and mobile, which makes him a little easier to sleep with because I don't have to be as worried about his safety, but also harder, because he's all over the place when I'm trying to get him to sleep. Our bed, which I should probably mention is a king, is getting more crowded by the day. And we're finally, after a much-longer-than-anticipated renovation, getting ready to move to our new house.
We've always said that when we move, Medium Boy is going to move into his big boy bed in his own room, and we're definitely going to give that a go, but as I'm sure most things have been with him, we're just going to have to play it by ear and see how it goes. I keep telling myself that someday he will be a surly teenager who wants nothing to do with us, so my hubby and I are both just trying to enjoy how much he loves us right now and give him a secure environment in which to grow up. Aside from the fact that he's two (you know, terrible and all), he's turning into an exceedingly bright, loving boy, so I feel like we must be doing something right.
As long as Baby Boy is still nursing at night, and I'm not quite sure when we'll nip that one in the bud, I'm going to keep him in our room for my sake, since I get a lot more sleep when I don't have to fully wake up and walk between rooms to get him. He may not co-sleep as long as his brother, but he very well may, and that's ok. While I will never know for sure if it's a result of how we've been raising him or just his mellow temperament (or maybe a combination of both), Baby Boy is one of the sweetest babies ever, and he seems on track to be just as smart and curious as his big brother.
As I mentioned in the first part of this post, my husband and I did not go into this whole parenthood thing intending to be "attachment parents." And to this day, we don't follow every single one of their principles (no, Medium Boy is not still nursing, and Baby Boy will not be nursing for too much longer). But the more I read about attachment parenting in general, the more I agree with its philosophies. It seems to make a lot more sense to me to follow my instincts while raising my children, and letting Medium Boy cry in his crib went against every instinct in my body.
Whenever someone asks me about our sleep situation (because, aside from poop, it's one of the most popular topics of conversation among Mamas), I tell them that Medium Boy still sleeps with us and that Baby Boy does part-time, joking that we are "those people." I know that most people are smiling to my face while internally judging me as a nut-job, just like I did back in the day with my friend, and that's ok. We all have to make our own decisions on how to raise our children, then cross our fingers and hope they turn out well. All of us just have to hope that our unique formulas paired with the temperaments of our completely unique children will create productive citizens in the end.
So to wrap things up...is it easy to co-sleep? In many ways, yes! Especially if you're breastfeeding, you get a ton more sleep, and you will fight so much less with your children when you don't have to keep trying to get them back into bed. But also no. Sometimes I lament that it would be so much easier if my kiddos actually went to bed at a normal hour like most children do. My hubby and I don't get much alone time, and I get very little "me" time, something I know most moms struggle with, but co-sleeping moms have it harder than most. I wanted to write this post because I know how lost I felt during those long, long months that Medium Boy wasn't sleeping and I was a human zombie. I hope that maybe, just maybe, somebody who has one of those anti-crib babies will read this and discover that there is another option out there. It's a very different option from what most people think is "normal" but it can be a great option all the same.
As a Mama, I couldn't be prouder of the wonderful children we are raising. They are truly my greatest accomplishments. And I love being a parent so much that the next question is not whether we'll have more kids, but how many more to have, something I never in a million years would have guessed.
That being said, I think we might need a bigger bed.
And sure enough, once Baby Boy came home from the hospital, our first few nights were full of tears, and not from Baby Boy. All Medium Boy wanted at bedtime was his Mamaaaaaaaaaa, and of course his Mama was tied up taking care of the newborn who usually wanted to nurse for hours on end in the evenings. So effectively, we hid. Baby Boy and I stayed downstairs, out of sight, while Dada and Medium Boy went upstairs to do bedtime. It took some adjusting, but after a few days it became the new routine. Once he finally fell asleep, Dada would send me an email from his smartphone (could we be anymore technologically savvy?) and let me know it was safe to come back upstairs, where Baby Boy would sleep for at least a few hours in his bouncy seat or pack and play next to our bed (way more than his big brother ever did). Then I would nurse him in bed, and usually spend at least a few hours in the wee hours of the morning with him sleeping on my chest, gassy as could be, while I whacked him on the back and willed him with ever fiber of my being to go back to sleep. Was it a perfect system? Absolutely not. But I slept a heck of a lot more during Baby Boy's newborn days than I ever did during Medium Boy's.
After a few months passed by, Medium Boy became more accustomed to sharing me with his brother, and soon we were able to integrate ourselves back into bedtime again. And as crazy as our new routine became, I will count these moments as some of my favorite memories. At bedtime, we would get jammies on, brush our teeth, then gather on our bed. I would wrap Baby Boy in one of his (fantastic!) Kiddopotamus SwaddleMe wraps as Medium Boy and I would sing, to the tune of the Raffi song Baby Beluga, a song I made up called Baby Burrito. Baby Boy would smile as his big brother and I sang to him, and my heart would melt a little bit more every night. Then we'd lie down in bed and I would nurse Baby Boy to sleep as Medium Boy and I read our three bedtime stories each night. Baby Boy would peacefully nod off, then I'd put my sweet, swaddled boy down in the pack and play where he would sleep for at least a few hours all on his own. It was magic. Once he was down, I could snuggle with Medium Boy until he fell asleep too. And then I would instantly pass out from exhaustion. :)
Looking back at all the time I spent fighting with Medium Boy, trying to get make him go to sleep and stay asleep in his crib by himself, it makes me wonder how different things would have been if I'd adopted the same approach with him. But hindsight is 20/20. Hopefully we've more than made up for our missteps by allowing him to continue sleeping snugly between us for so long.
Baby Boy would sleep peacefully for a few hours, then I would scoop him out of the pack and play, unswaddle him, nurse him and curl up with him to go back to sleep. Neither one of us fully woke up, so there was no battle to get him back to sleep again, and as long as I was close-by, he was as happy as could be. Let me pause to say that we've always followed safe co-sleeping practices...when Baby Boy was a little baby, I made sure to dress in warm jammies so I didn't need a blanket pulled up anywhere near where he was sleeping. I was never under the influence of anything, and I'm a really light sleeper, so the second he stirred or moved, I was able to respond. I also sleep like a rock, so I was never worried about rolling over on him or flailing around. And he stayed on the outside edge of our bed, away from my hubby and Medium Boy, with me in between for protection. Finally, our bed is not on a frame, so it's very close to the ground. Just thought I should probably throw that in so anyone reading this knows that I was very cautious. Co-sleeping has gotten a bad name lately, and if you're going to try it, you definitely need to do your research and find out how to do it properly. In my opinion, most people fall asleep with their babies at some point and it's better to do it intentionally and safely than accidentally and unsafely.
So now here we are. Medium Boy is 2 and 3/4 and Baby Boy just turned 10 months. We still follow mostly the same routine except Baby Boy has long since rejected his swaddle, and he probably spends a few more hours in our bed now than when he was little. He's also much more aware and mobile, which makes him a little easier to sleep with because I don't have to be as worried about his safety, but also harder, because he's all over the place when I'm trying to get him to sleep. Our bed, which I should probably mention is a king, is getting more crowded by the day. And we're finally, after a much-longer-than-anticipated renovation, getting ready to move to our new house.
We've always said that when we move, Medium Boy is going to move into his big boy bed in his own room, and we're definitely going to give that a go, but as I'm sure most things have been with him, we're just going to have to play it by ear and see how it goes. I keep telling myself that someday he will be a surly teenager who wants nothing to do with us, so my hubby and I are both just trying to enjoy how much he loves us right now and give him a secure environment in which to grow up. Aside from the fact that he's two (you know, terrible and all), he's turning into an exceedingly bright, loving boy, so I feel like we must be doing something right.
As long as Baby Boy is still nursing at night, and I'm not quite sure when we'll nip that one in the bud, I'm going to keep him in our room for my sake, since I get a lot more sleep when I don't have to fully wake up and walk between rooms to get him. He may not co-sleep as long as his brother, but he very well may, and that's ok. While I will never know for sure if it's a result of how we've been raising him or just his mellow temperament (or maybe a combination of both), Baby Boy is one of the sweetest babies ever, and he seems on track to be just as smart and curious as his big brother.
As I mentioned in the first part of this post, my husband and I did not go into this whole parenthood thing intending to be "attachment parents." And to this day, we don't follow every single one of their principles (no, Medium Boy is not still nursing, and Baby Boy will not be nursing for too much longer). But the more I read about attachment parenting in general, the more I agree with its philosophies. It seems to make a lot more sense to me to follow my instincts while raising my children, and letting Medium Boy cry in his crib went against every instinct in my body.
Whenever someone asks me about our sleep situation (because, aside from poop, it's one of the most popular topics of conversation among Mamas), I tell them that Medium Boy still sleeps with us and that Baby Boy does part-time, joking that we are "those people." I know that most people are smiling to my face while internally judging me as a nut-job, just like I did back in the day with my friend, and that's ok. We all have to make our own decisions on how to raise our children, then cross our fingers and hope they turn out well. All of us just have to hope that our unique formulas paired with the temperaments of our completely unique children will create productive citizens in the end.
So to wrap things up...is it easy to co-sleep? In many ways, yes! Especially if you're breastfeeding, you get a ton more sleep, and you will fight so much less with your children when you don't have to keep trying to get them back into bed. But also no. Sometimes I lament that it would be so much easier if my kiddos actually went to bed at a normal hour like most children do. My hubby and I don't get much alone time, and I get very little "me" time, something I know most moms struggle with, but co-sleeping moms have it harder than most. I wanted to write this post because I know how lost I felt during those long, long months that Medium Boy wasn't sleeping and I was a human zombie. I hope that maybe, just maybe, somebody who has one of those anti-crib babies will read this and discover that there is another option out there. It's a very different option from what most people think is "normal" but it can be a great option all the same.
As a Mama, I couldn't be prouder of the wonderful children we are raising. They are truly my greatest accomplishments. And I love being a parent so much that the next question is not whether we'll have more kids, but how many more to have, something I never in a million years would have guessed.
That being said, I think we might need a bigger bed.
Friday, March 30, 2012
The Co-Sleeping Closet: Part 1
Baby Boy stirs and I lean over to kiss him good morning. He looks at me and smiles a huge gummy smile, and we snuggle a little closer to start our day. I roll over and look at Medium Boy, his sandy hair splayed across his pillow, sleep still heavy on his features. If you’re following along you will note that I have two, yes two, children in our bed as we wake to start another day.
I didn’t intentionally choose to follow an attachment parenting philosophy and I certainly didn’t intend to co-sleep with my children as I was finding my way as a parent. While pregnant, I’d read Babywise, a book that emphasizes routines for babies as a blueprint to get them to sleep though the night sooner, and thought it sounded like a great philosophy…great, that is, until I met my first son. He was intense from the start—collicky as a newborn and the world’s worst sleeper from day one. I take that back…he was a GREAT sleeper when someone was holding him, but the minute I put him down in his crib, he instantly woke up and screamed bloody murder until someone picked him back up again. Bedtime was excruciating…nurse, down, up, repeat a few times, tiptoe out, waaaaaaaah!, and we’d start the dance again. And since he was still up several times at night to nurse and it was a battle every time I tried to get him back down again, I was a total zombie because I wasn’t getting more than 3 hours of sleep in a stretch. I was quickly losing my sanity.
I read every book out there…the No Cry Sleep Solution, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems and the Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems to name a few…and after each book I would try the techniques with the hope that something would change. But every time, those hopes would come crashing down as I stared at a red-faced, screaming infant looking at me with what could only be described as disdain as I tried “Ferberizing,” “Pick Up/Put Down” and the “Pantley Dance,” among other unsuccessful techniques. Now a 2.5 year old, my Medium Boy, whenever he stubs his toe, scrapes his knee or feels alone, cries “I want my Mamaaaaa!” and that must be was he was trying to say back then.
A friend who’d had her daughter a few months before I had Medium Boy had touted the wonders of co-sleeping, and while I smiled and nodded, I was really thinking what a loony toon she was for sleeping with her daughter (and yes, I’ve since told her she was totally right!). I was convinced that if I slept with my baby I would roll over and smoosh him instantly, despite the fact that the second he made the tiniest snuffle in his bassinet I was up and by his side immediately. But after weeks passed, then months, without getting one good night’s sleep, and you could practically trip over the dark circles under my eyes, I knew something had to change. I didn’t give up on making him love sleeping in his crib, because seriously, I didn’t want an 18 year old sleeping in our bed, but after fighting with him at his first wake-up and eventually getting him back to sleep, I allowed myself the luxury of scooping him out of his crib at that second wake-up and curling up with him to nurse and go back to sleep on the twin bed we had in the nursery. He slept. I slept. It was beautiful. But soon it became even harder to get him down at that first wake-up and I was going in to sleep with him earlier and earlier. My husband, who adamantly refused in the beginning to let him sleep in our bed, missed sleeping with his wife. So one night he consented, and pretty soon Medium Boy was a permanent fixture in our bed. The crib became a storage bin/cat bed. And you know what? That baby who used to wake up every 1-3 hours every night started sleeping through the night. And I became not only human, but also a much better parent. Go figure.
My husband—you know, the guy who was so adamantly against co-sleeping in the beginning—became a convert and enjoyed getting to cuddle with Medium Boy as he went to sleep and spend more time with him after work, because yes, once we started co-sleeping, he went to bed when we went to bed. And I love, love, loved being able to sleep with my arms wrapped around his neck, my nose in his soft baby hair. We knew that eventually we’d have to transition him out of our bed and into a big boy bed in his own room, and the intention was always lurking there, but we were all so darn happy that it kept getting pushed off into the indefinite future.
And then we found out that Baby Boy was on the way. Suddenly that indefinite future had a looming deadline. But then I was so sick with morning sickness, and then I was so tired, and then we were planning to move and thought it would be better to transition him into his new room, and the excuses just kept piling up and before we knew it, we were bringing home a newborn while the toddler still slept between us.
To be continued...
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Tint Jeans
Today I'm wearing one of my two treasured pairs of size 12 Tint jeans. When I first put them on many years ago, I had no idea how long they would remain my favorite jeans.
When I bought them I was miserably unhappy at my last job, and I weighed the most I've ever weighed in my life (yes, that includes both pregnancies). I assume they fit me like normal jeans at that point, and I remember them being so comfortable that I went out and bought another pair in the exact same size and style so I would have two.
When I quit my job and lost a lot of weight they grew looser and looser until they were eventually folded and put in the back of my closet, my "fat jeans" that I didn't anticipate ever wearing again. But I just couldn't get rid of them because I loved them so much.
In December of 2008 I was pregnant for the first time, but literally days after rejoicing over the pregnancy I'd been wanting so badly for months, I miscarried. The jeans came back out when I forced myself to stop crying and venture out of my house to celebrate my 28th birthday with my friend Lauren. While I wasn't in physical pain, I just needed something more gentle to wear and my old Tint jeans were just the thing. I also wore the red Treasu(red) t-shirt that my friend LeShayne and sweet niece and nephew Tori and Tristan had sent me as a birthday gift...it meant even more to get something so sweet when I was feeling so down.
My sadness was thankfully short-lived when I found out I was pregnant with Carter in February of 2009. My Tint jeans were the last pair of jeans that I wore before buying my first pair of maternity jeans, and I wore them for quite some time with an elastic band around the button and a belly band around the top. After Carter was born, they were the first "real" jeans I fit back in to until I got the baby weight off, then they went back into the closet again until January of 2011 when I found out I was pregnant with Collin. I gradually outgrew them again as my belly grew larger, then once again pulled them out about a month after he was born.
And here we are once again in that in between phase. The weight is coming off a bit slower this time, and really I don't care so much that I'm not back down to my pre-pregnancy weight. I'm wearing the extra 10 pounds as a badge of honor. My slightly softer, rounder shape is not from unhappiness like it was when I bought my Tint jeans years ago, but rather from the joy of being a mom.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Falling Asleep
I don't know if anyone is still reading this, but I want to start writing again, so here goes...
I try to sing him to sleep without curling up with him anymore since he’s two now—my medium boy—but today at naptime he wants to cuddle. He slips his silky head under my arm and wiggles his way under until my arm snakes around his neck, my hand wrapping around his head and resting atop his ear. I breathe in the smell of little boy…a tiny whiff of shampoo mixed with undertones of sweat (but not in a gross boy-sweat way, but the sweet-sweat of toddlerhood). I turn my head slightly to look up at the ceiling, but a quick hand darts out and pulls my cheek back, where a little face is looking at me. He presses his little lips to mine, then turns his head back around on his pillow and shuts his eyes.
“I love you, Carter,” I whisper.
“I love you too, Mama,” he whispers back before drifting off to sleep.
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